Feeling Down

I'm having a harder time lately. I really am grieving. Not for the loss of the concept of AJ as a perfect child... ALL children are perfect. I truly believe that and accept that each child is special and made just as God planned. I am grieving for the loss of the life I had hoped for for my son. I know that he will still have a great life and that he will overcome the obstacles apraxia puts in his way. I am just sad that it will be so much harder for him. He is so happy-go-lucky at this point. I worry that as he gets older and people expect more from him and his speech that he will have social problems and it will efect his self-confidence.
I have been observing his interactions with the other children in his preschool. (Not the special education preschool that he will start next week but the one he has been attending all along) I am noticing that he plays by himself the majority of the time and when he does play with peers he does not speak to them. He just watches them as he builds or plays doctor or house or with the trains. He'll smile and laugh and engage when he can but he doesn't even attempt words unless someone takes something from him.
This saddens me because at home with his sister and I he speaks all the time. He speaks with his cousins and with my boyfriends children very comfortably. These kids are very patient with him and know he has challenges speaking. I assumed he speaks with his peers at school but it appears he does not. This makes me think that he is aware of his differences and wants to hide them.
He was chosen as leader at school the other day. The leader gets to choose the book and song and turn the lights on and off for naptime. He also is supposed to call his friends names to dismiss them from circle time to go make choices during choice time. AJ just pointed to the children. He didn't/couldn't?/wouldn't? say their names.
AJ is very tall for his age. His dad is 6'3" so I guess it shouldn't be a surprise. AJ is in the 95 percentile for height. Because of this while he is only 3 he is the size of many 4-5 year olds. This causes many people to react when they hear him speak. Most are kind but visibly surprised. Some make rude comments about how he's too old for baby talk. I have been able to shield him from this for the most part but it is getting to be more of a challenge as he is more aware of other people's opinions.
I have people who point out to me that children are teased for a variety of reasons. If he wasn't being picked on for speech he would most likely be picked on for something else. I know this to be true. My 15 yr. old daughter was teased because her ears are small of all things. The difference is that she could respond to the taunting. She was also able to tell me about it. I fear that AJ will be trapped in a place where he can't express his feelings about teasing.
I know that I am "borrowing trouble". He is a happy well-adjusted boy for the most part and he doesn't seem too phased by all of this apart from his usual frustration when I cannot understand him. Fortunately that is not too frequent an experience.
I can only try to be there for him and help him express his feelings the best he can. I'll have to take things one day at a time. Who am I kidding... it's more like one syllable at a time. We'll make it. I just need to get through this grief so that we can start helping him. Hopefully once the IEP is over and I have a specific plan to work with it will help me.